


everything i wanted

by all_their_intricacies



Category: Tenet (2020)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:47:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26404468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_their_intricacies/pseuds/all_their_intricacies
Summary: They had this thing – this littleroutine– between them. It was, for the most part, unspoken – a tacit knowledge between the two of them; that they shared, followed, and even found comfort in.
Relationships: Neil/The Protagonist (Tenet)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 134





	everything i wanted

**Author's Note:**

> for [samstree](https://samstree.tumblr.com/) on tumblr who sent me an ask about neil and the protagonist seeking each out for comfort after bad missions. it sorta got away from me and here's the result.
> 
> hope this is enough of emotions for you, jin <3

They had this thing – this little _routine_ – between them. It was, for the most part, unspoken – a tacit knowledge between the two of them; that they shared, followed, and even found comfort in.

It started after Neil had his first mission on the field. It didn’t go quite well. Murphy’s Law decided to run its course, and everything could go wrong, _did_ go wrong. They had to leave a teammate behind, to ensure the mission’s success, while everyone else escape with the help of the extract team. It left a very bad taste in Neil’s mouth, afterwards, when he was back at home base, safe and sound with only a few scratches on his body, faring much better than what he imagined his abandoned teammate must have to. For the sake of the mission.

Neil tried to rest, as the medics had recommended, but as he lied on his bed in the room they’ve assigned to him at the base, he found that he couldn’t. His thoughts kept swimming, churning relentlessly in his mind, threatening to eat him alive. So, as his room was getting more and more claustrophobic, Neil gave it up to go for a walk.

Mindlessly, his feet brought him towards The Protagonist’s room, and Neil would lie and say that he didn’t know why his subconscious had chosen _here_ , out all places, but he was tired and sick of having to be by himself. So, in truth, he was in need of comfort, and he didn’t know anywhere else – in this entire facility; this entire _organization_ – to find it better than in the one man who actually knew him. Or, at least, Neil think The Protagonist did. Or, at least, the man had shown as much when he approached Neil and made him an offer he couldn’t say no to.

So, yeah, here he was, in front of The Protagonist’s doorstep, finding himself unable to turn away. He knocked; The Protagonist answered, took one look at the haunted expression on Neil’s face and invited him in. Neil didn’t think The Protagonist would turn him away, in any case, which brought this strange warmth to Neil chest that he wasn’t quite ready to dissect at this time of the night.

Once they were inside the room, The Protagonist offered Neil a drink, and asked about his mission, looking like he already knew the answer. When Neil expressed that it was the one thing he didn’t want to talk about right then (in simpler words), The Protagonist dropped it. Neil was beyond grateful as he took a seat next to The Protagonist on the couch, mindful to leave some space between the two of them.

For a moment, neither of them spoke. The silence, however, wasn’t awkward; it was actually fine, much better than what Neil had experienced in the confine of his own room. But, then, the moment passed, and The Protagonist asked a question, completely unrelated to work or bad missions or Tenet itself. Neil found himself answering, unthinkingly so. It was a nice change for the silence. By the time Neil’s eyes grew heavy and he was unable to suppress a yawn, all the dread in his stomach from the moment the chopper took off and left his teammate behind to die was completely gone – insignificant to how _comfortable_ he was feeling in the company of The Protagonist.

And, that was the strangest thing – that Neil always felt comfortable with The Protagonist. From the very first moment he met the man, Neil felt at ease, rather than on edge or unsettled by how much The Protagonist knew about him. Instead, truly, Neil felt _seen_ , and, beyond everything, _intrigued._ The protagonist asked him to come, and Neil found himself agreeing; wanting to follow, and learn, and understand more about inversion, and about the man himself.

And here Neil was, and this thing between them never stopped. Neil kept coming to The Protagonist after bad missions – or just missions, period – and The Protagonist never turned him away. For a while, it felt one-sided – like the feelings inside Neil’s chest that he’s never truly taken the time to examine or acknowledge – but then, it didn’t. It took Neil off guard, for a second, to open his door after a knock and found The Protagonist standing on the other side, looking haggard and _rough_.

There was a cut on his cheek that Neil wanted to touch; to soothed; to ask about, but they never spoke about missions in these—these late night _meetings_ between them. It was like an unspoken rule to this whole unspoken thing; The Protagonist never pushed Neil to talk, and now, Neil could only return the favor. So instead, he invited The Protagonist in, offered him a drink, and they talked about things that wasn’t related to work, bad missions, or Tenet itself.

Then, it was a routine. They seek each other out after missions, mostly just talk, other times, just to _not_ be alone. In more ways than one, it made Neil feel so special. To his knowledge, The Protagonist didn’t do this with anyone – even the higher ranked agents in Tenet who have worked with/for him for years, but somehow Neil was the outlier. Neil tried to dissect it once, tried to figure out the reason came up with nothing conclusive. Instead, he ran into his own feelings, and well, the realization that he was in love wasn’t an earth-shattering one, but it still threw Neil off his balance.

It came to a head when The Protagonist came to Neil after a mission, with more than just a scrape on his face. Neil asked why he wasn’t in the med bay, and The Protagonist just gave him a pleading look (“I hate the sterilized air in there; hate when people fuss over me because of some flesh wounds. I’d rather be here with you,” The Protagonist would say when Neil asked him again, at a later date). Neil sighed, finding himself too weak to turn The Protagonist away, pulled out his med kit from his gear bag and went to work.

When he finished, pulling off his gloves and throwing them carelessly into the waste bin, he looked up at The Protagonist and found him watching Neil. Neil paused in his track, not realizing how close they were sitting. The protagonist mumbled a thanks, eyes seemed to be caught in a trance, staring right into Neil’s blue ones.

“I should probably go now,” The Protagonist said – _whispered_ – into the small space between them, but never moving away, “It’s late.”

And, Neil was so enthralled by the way his dark brown eyes seemed to be gleaming under the fluorescent light overhead that he just couldn’t help himself. He leaned forward to catch a kiss from The Protagonist’s lips. The protagonist responded in an instant, almost like he was waiting for this.

The realization that Neil’s love was returned wasn’t an earth-shattering one, no. It was quite the opposite. It felt like—like coming home after a long, _long_ day. It felt right in a way that Neil couldn’t quite describe; like it had always been there waiting for him to take a moment and _look_ , seeing for himself that yes, he was loved.

In retrospect, still, it could have come much sooner. This unspoken routine between them, these late night meetings, the _looks_ The Protagonist kept sending Neil that Neil never tried to look too much into. Yeah, it could have happened much sooner, but Neil was glad that it did, anyway, in the end.

After that the routine grew into something like a requirement, for reassurance that the other was fine – or at least, in the realm of it. The unspoken rules of it were still left unspoken, but bent, expanded.

They started to seek each other out more, whenever they wanted to see each other, not just when they were done with a mission and in need of comfort. They started pushing for the other to talk about the missions they went on – the bad and good parts all the same – and it never felt titled, like they were demanding more than their relationship would allow. They started leaving invitation (“Check in with me when you can, yeah?”) and promises (“I’ll come find you when I’m back.”) For the next time. They started becoming more tactile, wrapping up close in each other’s arms when words proved difficult to express or even think about.

It made Neil a little giddy, when he thought about all of it; about how The Protagonist would come to him and show vulnerability that Neil had never seen him show before. All of that cool and collected exterior – easy smiles and confident posture that The Protagonist always held up in public, in front of his subordinates – all stripped always in Neil’s company. The protagonist would show parts of him that Neil would, then, hold close to his heart, to treasure and nurture, and The Protagonist would return the favor in tenfold.

It was easy between them, like that. Their separate rooms soon turned into a shared one; day-to-day routine soon included one another. It happened so naturally, like it always meant to be. Neil wanted it to never end. He truly hoped it never did.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on my [protagoneil blog](https://iamtheprotagoneil.tumblr.com/), where I ramble nonsense about this ship that has taken over my entire life and thought process. and, apparently, i also write fics based on asks now, so go ahead and send me some prompts if you have any. i'll see what i can do with it.
> 
> as always, comments and kudos are much appreciated. honestly, i read and check each one; y'all are so precious to me <3


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